God only knows what I'd be without you

I didn't write for few days because I wanted to make sure what I'm experiencing is for real. I had to take some time to digest the fact that he is in love with me and I'm not just day dreaming.
It feels so great when he tells me he loves me so much. Feels great when he tells me he misses me and he wants to be with me. When he tells me he is in love with me. I feel like I'm the king of the world and no one can take away my happiness as long as he loves me.

HOORAYYYY

I'm on top of the world.
I Just got my admission to go back to school, I got a full time job starting from yesterday, I'm on diet with my family and I can see that we're all getting smaller and healthier everyday and the man I'm in love with is falling for me.
Who wants more than that? I don't even need to win the lottery anymore!

I am blessed

I was driving towards work looking at people on the street walking, driving their cars, riding on the bus, happy, sad, some with their family, some hand in hand, some by themselves. When I arrived, I watched the people at my work, my residents, their family members, the parking guy, the doctor on call, my manager, how they talk, how they walk, how they react and what they have in their eyes..... and just one thing came to my mind over and over again; nobody is as happy as I am right now. The man that I adore told me last night that he loves me, that I'm his and he's mine. He said " the night is full of stars tonight, and I have my star in my arms. That's so great when you don't have to look for your star in the skies anymore..."
No one can ever be as happy as I am right now. I can swear on that.

Work

I'm gonna work 19 days in a row without having a day off!
I'm still on my diet but haven't started to go to the gym yet. When I found out I had to work so many days in a row, I thought maybe I should spend more time resting at home since I don't get enough calories and that can burn me out.
We're gonna go to Niagara falls for the weekend I'm done my 19 days. This is gonna be our first trip together and I'm so excited about it. I know it's going to be amazing. Me, him, good weather, beautiful nature, relaxing hotel room, no worries if somebody hears us, no worries if somebody smells the cigarette, no worries, no worries, no worries...
I am happy and I will stay happy for the rest of my life. He is mine and he will be forever. Because that's the way it's supposed to be.

Happiest

Finallyyyyyyyyyy.......
He said he is in love me. He said he feels committed and he feels I belong to him.
He told me I should stop browsing around because I'm his girlfriend now. We talked about moving in together, probably end of this year.
He was still concerned about me wanting kids. I told him I could never imagine myself leaving him for someone I don't even know what's gonna be like, someone who doesn't exist and someone who might turn to be my enemy. I would not want a kid with the price of losing him. I would not want anything with that price. Never.
I was shocked all night long, with my upset stomach, too excited to fall sleep.
Today, Sky was beautiful, sun was smiling at me, green was greener and world was a wonderful place.
I feel I'm the luckiest person on this earth. I wish he feels the same.

My plans

I'm going on this south beach diet tomorrow. I'm planning to go to the gym everyday until I can go in front of the mirror, look at myself and say "wow, now I'm really good enough for him!" I will say that very soon, I know that.
I suggested that we don't see each other for a while so he can see the difference, but he said he wants to be by my side and support me.
I need his support. That's the first time in my life I'm feeling that way. I was always "the mother" in my relationships, taking care of everything, supporting my other party all the way, not getting anything in return and being fine about it. Not this time. I need his support and I want it for the rest of my life. I will get it, I can feel that.

Dreaming

I dreamed about him while I was napping this evening.
It was so clear and happy that I smiled all the time. I could feel my smile on my lips and in my heart. My body was all excitement, love and happiness. I was living my dream, in my dream and that sounds so ironic.
I woke up in joy and satisfaction, not remembering even a moment of what I saw.

After 10 days

I could not write anything in these 10 days.
One day I found out something and lost myself so bad. I didn't even tell him what I found out but I acted out and he freaked out. He said I was love sick. He said we should take one month off and see within ourselves what we want to do.
He called me 3 days ago. He said he heard me calling him. I was calling him actually. I called him every minute and every second. I love him and I will love him for the rest of my life. I will keep him inside of my safe forever. I will live with his memory, I will cherish the moments we had together, I will grow the fantastic feeling I get while I'm with him within myself until I die.
But if he wants to be my partner, he has to be mine, and only mine.